


I don't believe you

by punkbones



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel One-shot, M/M, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-18
Updated: 2013-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 05:59:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/808099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkbones/pseuds/punkbones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean was human and humans lied. So when Dean kissed him Castiel didn't believe it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't believe you

Castiel knew a lot of things about Dean.  
He knew the way his eyes lit up when he was happy, a rare occurence nowadays.  
He knew the way the motor oil that he sometimes happened wiped on his face made him look even more striking.  
He knew the way Dean hummed under his breath when he fixed his car or polished his weapons, both the rocksongs he was known love and ballads he swore he despised.  
He knew the way Dean breathed in his sleep, deep and calming. It helped Cas dealing with lonely nights awake.  
He knew the look on Dean's face when he looked at the stars. Castiel wished Dean would look upon him with the same expression.  
Castiel knew everything about Dean there was to know from the music he loved to how he drove his car, far too fast but still not fast enough for him. Castiel knew every little thing about Dean Winchester and he loved them all.  
He also knew that Dean was human and even though that was part of the reason to love him, it was still a flaw. Dean killed, cheated and stole. Dean also lied to almost everyone and about a lot of things so when Dean first kissed him Castiel was sure it was just another lie. It was a nice lie though, one Castiel could take and he played along, expecting Dean to break away at any moment and leave him for another, prettier face. Even when Dean dragged him to his bed and whispered promises of love into his skin Castiel didn't believe him. He was sure Dean meant it now but he would still tire of him when the night had passed. He didn't think himself much special, at least not in Dean's book where angels were dicks and Castiel had nothing at all to offer as a human.  
So afterwards, when Dean snuggled close to Castiel and hugged him tightly he waited until Dean fell asleep and put two fingers against his forehead, erasing all the memories of the night from the kiss until the moment he fell asleep. Castiel enjoyed a few extra seconds getting hugged by Dean before he slowly rose. He told himself that Dean's disgruntled look was due to loss of heat and not because he missed having Cas at his side. That would just have been another lie.  
The next morning Dean seemed confused as to what had happened the previous night as he said he didn't remember anything after heading to the bar. Thankfully Sam had been out and couldn't re-tell what had happened. Castiel did his best to act normal and seeing as he recieved no reactions from the brothers he felt successful. It didn't make the horrible feeling in chest dissappear.  
Two nights later they stopped by a bar and Castiel tried to sit quiet in his corner while Sam hustled pool and Dean flirted with the bartender. Castiel tried not to glare at the girl, jealous at the attention she recieved without knowing the name for the feeling. He was too busy looking away to notice the way Dean constantly looked towards Castiel, as if waiting for an invitation to join him. Eventually Dean made his way over to Castiel's table anyway, much to Castiel's surprise.  
He suggested they would go to the hotel, as Sam was in the middle of a game and Dean blamed it on fatuige. Castiel knew it to be another lie and tried to quell the flare of hope that came with Dean choosing him over the bartender. When they arrived at the motel Dean pushed Castiel against a wall and kissed him eagerly, the scene all too familiar to Castiel. Once again he complied, reveling in the moment and enjoying the lie. This night Dean worshipped Castiel's body and whispered promises of neverending love and worship into his skin. One of them was whispered into the skin where his wings met and Castiel had never felt more blessed. But when Dean had fallen asleep Castiel once again erased his memory. This time he told himself that the whisper that stumbled over Dean's lips was not his name, only his own wishful thinking.  
For a month this progressed. Castiel followed the brother's around on their various hunts and every night Dean whispered beautiful promises Castiel didn't believe and every morning he saw Dean get up with no memory of the previous night. When Castiel left Dean's bed he told himself the faint whispers were never his name and that the times Dean gripped his arm tight enough to hurt was never because he wanted Cas to stay but only some hunter reflex. Sometimes Castiel though about leaving it be, about letting Dean remember to see if maybe Dean spoke truth. He never did though, always finding new reasons for his doubts, petty as they always were. Besides, better a beautiful lie than a painful truth.  
One day he was left alone with Sam while Dean played pool. Sam had eyed him varily all night and looked nervous before opening his mouth.  
"Dean likes you, you know."  
"What?"  
"Dean likes you. Like, really likes you. He has meant to tell you for a while, hell I thought he did weeks ago but given the way you guys act around each other it seems he hasn't."  
"Why are you telling me this, Sam? Are you trying to play cupid?" Castiel smiled briefly. He tried ignoring the way his chest suddenly felt too tight to contain his heart, pounding almost too fast. There was no reason getting his hopes up for yet another lie.  
"Listen, it's okay if you don't feel the same but either way you should tell him. It's quite painful seeing him pining like that."  
Castiel caught Dean's eyes from across the bar and there as no mistaking in the smile that lit up his face. It was a genuine smile, filled with love and every whispered promise he didn't remember. In his eyes were love and truth.  
Not that Castiel believed it. Not for a second.  
It was a couple of days after his and Sam's conversation that he was caught. Castiel had lingered a bit too long and when he erased Dean's memory and left his bed Sam had been there to see it.  
There were no words exchanged between the both, just a glare from Sam. He wanted desperatly to reach out to Sam and explain that it wasn't his fault, that he did love Dean and just wanted to spare himself for when Dean surely would dismiss him the next morning. This way they could both get what they wanted. No words came across his lips though and Sam kept glaring at him for days until even Dean noticed. Sam never told him though, just glared some more at Castiel.  
After two months Sam cornered Castiel and demanded an explanation. This time Castiel explained, with no hopes of the forgivness Sam gave him. Samuel had always been too forgiving for his own good, what Castiel did couldn't really be forgiven so easily. He was still thankful as ever for it. He rather liked Samuel.  
On the day of the fourth month Dean didn't fall asleep. Instead he sat up, letting Castiel rest on his chest. When he asked why Dean didn't sleep as he should his response surprised Castiel.  
"I don't want you to leave."  
"Why would I leave you", Castiel asked, unable to hide the small shake in his voice.  
"Because Sam said you did. He said you didn't trust me."  
"Dean..."  
"It's alright Cas I understand where you're coming from. I mean, I haven't exactly been the most trustworthy person. I lie all the time, it's what I do. But I wouldn't lie to you like that. I'd rather die than hurt you. All I ask is that you'll give me a chance. If I screw up, I screw up and that'll be on me but I want to prove to you I can do better."  
"I won't leave you Dean. Now go to sleep, you need it."  
The smile that lit up Dean's face was enough to subdue Castiel's fears and for the first time he didn't wipe Dean's memory. He didn't do it again for another two weeks, feeling happy and safe enough to leave them intact. This time around he believed every sweet promise Dean gave and tucked them close in his chest.  
One night they stopped at a bar in Colorado and Cas was left alone at a table. He tried to not care about Dean's obvious flirting with a woman while getting information about the case. He tried remembering what Dean had said to him every night for weeks now, had showed him all of their wake hours but when Dean pocketed the woman's number Castiel's realised the truth. During the times on the road he was a perfect lay for Dean, always there and always willing but when they approached somewhere that had other faces to look at Dean forgot about him. That had to be the plain and simple truth. Dean could never truly love him, not when there were other, more interesting people around.  
That night when Dean whispered loving promises and sweet nothings into Castiel's neck he didn't believe them. He knew Dean was too good for him and he accepted that. He had nothing to offer Dean and he'd be more than happy to settle with what he got, small promises of love that only lasted the night. It was more than he could ask for anyway. So when Dean fell asleep that night with Castiel's name on his lips he slowly put two fingers against his forehead and erased all memories of the nights they had spent together. After that he rose and put two fingers against Samuel's head, erasing all the memories that might complicate things. Castiel walked out of the small motel room, leaving Dean and Sam sleeping soundly. He promise himself he would return come morning but right now he couldn't stand being so close to Dean. Castiel swiftly flew out of the hotel room and in doing so he missed the way Dean clutched onto the pillow that still smelled of him.

**Author's Note:**

> I really need a beta for my stories.


End file.
